Why I Don’t Sleep With Drunk Girls

By Cyberquill 08/23/20139 Comments

Drunk Girls

Dr Phil seems to have fluttered some hyper-sensitive dovecotes by tweeting the following survey question:

If a girl is drunk, is it OK to have sex with her? Reply yes or no to @DrPhil #teensaccused

Seems like a perfectly harmless and legitimate question, does it not?

Yet somehow it caused such an uproar that the good doctor, or his Twitter staff, saw no alternative but to delete it “almost immediately” according to The Daily News, which promptly ran a story headlined “Dr. Phil sexual assault tweet sparks outrage, prompts petition”.

While hooking up with plastered tail may indeed constitute a form of sexual assault—after all, being intoxicated impairs a person’s capacity to make sensible and mature decisions no different than does being a minor, hence the concept of statutory rape, which applies irrespective of whether or not consent was given—millions of guys obviously don’t think so, a circumstance that confers legitimacy upon attempting to ascertain the prevalence of either point of view and touch off a discussion.

Sympathetic as I am to the position that the more lubricated (in the sense of liquored up or drugged) the female, the more having sex with her resembles an act of rape on account of her reduced ability to accord meaningful consent (although one could argue that unless some nefarious suitor forced the booze down her gullet or surreptitiously laced her Shirley Temple with roofies, she consented to entering that state of diminished faculties by electing to get smashed in the first place), my primary reason for why I don’t sleep with drunk girls derives from more self-centered than legalistic or gentlemanly considerations:

By abstaining from intoxicated flesh, I eliminate the risk of later being confronted with the unflattering intelligence, whether by being told outright or by getting an unspoken impression to that effect, that she never would have been with me had she not had her brains on a leash at the time; or, even worse, that her recollection is foggy; neither of which I’d be particularly eager to learn after the fact, and this may well betoken low self-esteem on my part.

Perhaps, unlike myself, a genuinely confident man does not feel the need to be desired on a personal level by someone that has all her wits about her. Perhaps my fragile male ego longs to be stroked in a way that an even moderately zonked-out lady would not be able to accomplish.

Be that as it may, for the life of me I’ve never been able to relate to other men’s eagerness to get girls drunk, for to vanquish female resistance by way of clouding her judgment is precisely what I don’t want. On the contrary, instead of ever feeling any desire to ply an attractive sober woman with mind-numbing substances, the sight of an attractive drunk one invariably makes me want to pour a bucket of ice water over her head. (Granted, doing so ups the odds of spending the night at the local police station rather than with her.)

In the interest of full disclosure, I despise intoxication of all types and at all levels. For that reason alone I tend to steer clear of individuals that do not appear to be in a condition to safely operate a motor vehicle, and that includes drunk chicks at a bar.

On a related note, it pains me to witness the ineluctable decline of physical beauty being unnecessarily hastened via self-destructive behavior, which is yet another reason for my not finding particularly appealing the sight of an otherwise alluring young woman knocking back one vodka tonic after the other.

My personal antipathy toward inebriation aside, is it OK to have sex with a drunk girl?

Unless you know her really well and are reasonably certain that her consent would have been forthcoming either way, I’m voting a resounding NO on Dr Phil’s survey. Whether or not exploiting a woman’s booze-addled haze for personal gratification amounts to rape, doing so doesn’t exactly strike me as a badge of good character. (Due to brewer’s drop, the reverse scenario seems less likely. As a former girlfriend once told me with an if-you-know-what-I-mean kind of tone in her voice, “There’s really no point in trying to have sex with a drunk guy.”)

Do you think it’s OK to have sex with drunk girls?

(In spite of my “sexual assault question” being identical to Dr Phil’s, I am confident that mine won’t spark quite as much outrage as did his—if only because of my much smaller, um, audience—and so I won’t have to delete it anytime soon.)

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  • Richard

    You ask a question which calls upon experience which I entirely lack and also find myself emotionally incapable of addressing even hypothetically.

    So I shall instead mention my experience of alcohol.

    Before I retired I reckon I drank too much alcohol, but fortunately never became an alcoholic. The only times I drank were on arriving home from work or on social occasions.

    Since retirement, I have acquired an aversion to it. It leads me to believe that it was a device to wash away the stresses and memories of the working day or at other times to overcome nervous tension. Now I have no such requirement.

    So I have a question for you. Was it OK to drink alcohol in particular situations to enable me to relax?

    • http://blog.cyberquill.com/ Cyberquill

      It wouldn’t have made a difference to me, as I don’t sleep with white men, neither in nor out of their cups. (I may elaborate in the next installment of my “Why I Don’t Sleep With…” series.)

      That aside, I view the habit of consuming alcohol for relaxation purposes as a dangerous gamble with respect to one’s genetic predisposition to addiction. After all, drinking is the only way to find out if you’re an alcoholic. Once you’ve found out that you are, it may be too late to put the genie back in the bottle, as it were.

      A friend of mine once told me that she enjoyed a glass of wine because “it relaxes me.” (I’ll never forget those words, spoken as she was nursing her Merlot while watching me sip my little bottle of still water at an outdoor cafe on Ninth Avenue.) Over the years, she became a full-blown sauce monster, then a cocaine addict, and now she’s as relaxed as it gets, albeit six feet under.

      Also, as I see it, supporting the alcohol industry by purchasing its products in any amount constitutes an act of complicity in the damage and destruction this industry wreaks upon society at large.

      So no, in my humble judgment, consuming recreational drugs, including alcohol, is never OK for any reason.

      • Richard

        I am admonished.

        That, I think, is the correct answer, though a little hard.

        My wife’s aunt, a fine woman, incidentally, enjoyed her daily gin and Martini. She lived well into her eighties, fully active mentally and physically. She used to say that you couldn’t trust a man who didn’t drink. All my in-laws were of like mind and equally healthy. So the pressure was on. Fortunately my wife doesn’t agree with her family.

        Remember, too, there are social and business expectations.

        My own parents rarely drank and limited themselves to a very small glass of home-made damson and elderberry wine when the minister came -- i don’t know why he did, they weren’t churchgoers -- and a very small sherry just before Christmas Dinner. My mother had taken “the Pledge” as a child. My father was entirely comfortable with this arrangement, and so I was surprised when he took me into a City pub one day and bought me a pint to celebrate something or another. Happy days.

        • http://blog.cyberquill.com/ Cyberquill

          There sure is a social price to pay for my attitude in that many people either don’t trust me (as your wife’s aunt wouldn’t) or find me boring because I “don’t know how to have fun.” (Fun, of course, being code for getting loaded.) So be it.

          And those so-called “business expectations,” I suspect, are but a lame excuse to tipple, i.e., a personal craving being rationalized as expectations by others.

          • Richard

            There is no accounting for how and why adults wish to conduct their lives, and as long as they do no harm to others, I suppose it is none of our business.

        • Richard

          Well, it may not be universally applicable, but it’s a good starting-point.

  • testazyk

    What is most interesting is the reaction to Dr Phil. By asking the question he wasn’t even suggesting that it might be ok but people managed to be outraged. What is outrageous is that he probably asked the question because of the ambivalence of some of his guests on his show about the topic.

    • http://blog.cyberquill.com/ Cyberquill

      Plus, there obviously are plenty of guys (and gals) that aren’t even ambivalent about the issue. They flat-out think it’s OK. Just visit a college dorm on a Saturday night.

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