In a somewhat grotesque attempt to one-up and out-buffoon Miley Cyrus’ racy antics of late, and presumably under the gauzy pretext of promoting sexual empowerment for women, Beyoncé recently released an eye-roller titled Partition (see video above).
As per the accompanying album credits, this wondrous ditty was concocted by Terius Nash, Beyoncé Knowles, Justin Timberlake, Timothy Mosly, Jerome Harmon, Key Wayne, and Mike Dean.
That’s seven people. That’s right. It apparently required the sweat of seven (!) pairs of brows to come up with a melody that a baby capuchin could have knocked out on a toy keyboard, paired with memorable lyrics such as these:
♫ Oh he so horny, yeah he want to fuck
He popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown
Considerations regarding the quality of the poetry aside, and focusing on sexual anatomy instead, how exactly does a man “Monica Lewinsky” on a gown?
When referencing extracurricular frolics in the Oval Office via the offbeatish verbification of one of the participants’ proper names for the purpose of denoting the act of depositing male ejaculate on an article of women’s apparel, it seems the dopey line should be:
He Bill Clinton-ed all on my gown
A man doesn’t “Monica Lewinsky,” at least not in the context of a heterosexual encounter as the one described in the song. It’s what a woman does.
So Beyoncé’s character may have Monica Lewinsky-ed the guy in the limo, whereupon he may have Bill Clinton-ed in her mouth, and if she’s a spitter rather than a swallower, she then may have inadvertently Monica Lewinsky-ed the gooey substance on her gown instead of out the window—assuming such was the chain of events by which the infamous blue dress received its stains, in which case the verb “to Monica Lewinsky” would index two separate actions, namely to perform fellatio and to spit semen on a dress.
In any event, whatever the guy in the limo did, he surely wasn’t Monica Lewinsky-ing.
How many writers does it take to make sense?