You remind me of a long time friend who is also amazingly brilliant, witty and multi-talanted, but who prefers wailing about his mis-led life over actually being proactive in making the necessary changes that could easily make a quantum leap toward a rewarding life. Alas, he prefers ranting about his miserable life, although at times, it’s a hilarious ranting.

The lovely and pragmatic Cheri on this blog has offered up some suggestions that seem worth considering, but you, like my brilliant/funny friend, would prefer to find a negative albeit cleaver “this-won’t-work-and-here’s-why” response.

You have an amazing writing skill that I envy. I write daily and though I can see some skill improvement, I’ll never match your calibre of writing (and that is Okay, since I write simply because I LOVE to write). Setting up writing classes locally or via SKYPE conferences is a viable means of generating income. You have a resume that would draw those to a series of such classes.

Expanding on this idea, there are also writers’ seminars that you could apply to and end up in cool locales all over the world, ‘teaching’ the art of writing and being paid well for it.

That you, of all people, suffer unemployment as you contend you do, reflects a lack of creative initiative, rather than a lack of income generating skill.

its not a cracking proposal, i know, just kinda brainstorming what may be a happier end to a messy horror story. for your narration above has an open end too unsatisfying for me as your reader.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw_RBjpefNk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTS6-lt9UBo

Likewise, I’d certainly love to have the money to open a coffee house in New York.

The good news is that there already exists a Viennese coffee house in NYC for you to slake your exotic caffeine and chocolate cravings: Café Sabarsky, located inside the Guggenheim museum. I once went there to interview for a server position, erroneously believing I may be a good fit. Yeah, right. The next day, I received the following e-mail:

Thanks you very much for taking your time and interviewing for Café Sabarsky. We failed decision for another applicant.

Should I go back there and offer them English lessons for 90 bucks an hour?

Recently, for several weeks I ran a Craigslist ad for German lessons. Instead of $90 for one hour, I listed my fee as $35 for a two-hour session. I received exactly one response. Some lady wanted to take one-hour lessons for half the price. I said sure—what else am I supposed to say if someone graciously offers me 18 dollars?—but then she cancelled her first lesson and was never heard from again.

Tutor writing. Tutor German for 90 bucks an hour. I appreciate your suggestions, and I don’t mean to sound negative, but if I really wanted to embark on a hopeless endeavor, I figure it might be fun to board a Greyhound to Albany and apply for a position as governor of New York.

After all, each coast should have at least one Austrian commander-in-chief, and I’d do everything in my power to ensure that New York becomes the second failed state.

You could tutor for the SAT Subject Test in German. Charge 90.00 per hour.

You could also tutor German for medical students or for Rilke aficionados.

If you opened a Viennese chocolate/coffee house in NYC, I would be there IN A FLASH.

I love Vienna (just felt like saying that since I am here in my little beach house alone with my dog and a glass of wine!)

Perhaps I could tutor people in how to talk like the Terminator, even though, being Viennese, I’m having trouble replicating the Steiermark accent myself. (My Schwarzenegger impression is roughly equivalent to a native Alabamian’s impression of Tony Soprano.)

“Having trouble with your writing? Talk to the Paragraphinator. You’ll be back!”