I just received an email from Monster.com that opens thus:
This message is to notify you that your Monster resume has expired, and is no longer searchable by employers.
Now, I’m not one to spaz out over trifles, but this kind of stuff really harshes my mellow; and I don’t mean the superfluous comma after expired or the missing accents on résumé.
What’s the sole purpose of an email? To convey a message. What’s the sole purpose of a message? To notify.
Therefore, as an alternative to prefacing what is obviously a message with a clause that says what it is, followed by a statement of its obvious purpose as if I might otherwise think the verbiage in front of me were not a message intended to notify me of something but a sample swatch for a wallpaper, may I suggest the following improvement:
Your Monster résumé has expired and is no longer searchable by employers.
Skip the accents for all I care. Just knock it off with fatuous prefatory fillers à la We’d like to inform you that… and like piffle from the department of the bleeping obvious.
Tags: Words & Language