If you desire to hold on to your belief that God created the cosmos on 23 October 4004 BC, as reportedly sleuthed out from Biblical data by the venerable James Ussher in the 17th century AD, then how do you respond when confronted with truckloads of non-trivial astronomical and archeological data that put the age of our planet at roughly four billion and the age of the universe at 13 billion years and change? …
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Let Us Dance Into the Night ♫
By Cyberquill • 10/15/2011 • 4 CommentsThis is a new demo recording of a song I wrote a few years ago. It’s about trying to get a woman—or whoever else may be wearing “sexy lingerie” underneath a “pretty flower dress”—to disrobe:
“Fair and Balanced” and the Contrast Factor
By Cyberquill • 07/25/2011 • 6 CommentsOnce upon a time, I worked at a restaurant that featured white cloth napkins, neatly folded, on glossy wooden tabletops. After some time, the owner—no idea what had possessed him—suddenly decided he wanted black napkins instead.
Fine. So henceforth, black napkins graced those wooden tabletops.
One day the laundry delivery was late, meaning our funereal napery wasn’t ready for the dinner shift, and the white napkins from before were pressed into service again.
When I came to work that night, a tidal wave of dazzling albescence almost knocked me back out the door. …
The Fox News Paradox
By Cyberquill • 07/14/2011 • 24 Commentshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR3eUjD6y6o&t=3m20s
“This network thinks Sarah Palin is a genius, that it’s OK to slaughter any Muslim you see, and that Obama is a Nazi and deserves to be overthrown.” Hard to say whether the commentator who …
Live and Let Live
By Cyberquill • 05/22/2011 • 6 CommentsThere is no courage without fear. Implicit in the concept of courage is the notion of acting in spite of being afraid. If you’re not worried that anything bad might happen to you in consequence of your actions, you cannot be said to be acting courageously. …
Equality for Ketchup
By Cyberquill • 04/12/2011 • 26 CommentsWhen you go out for brunch, there’s a good chance the ketchup you slather on your mushroom omelet is married. Anyone, such as myself, unfortunate enough to ever have toiled in restaurants is intimately familiar with the server sidework known as “marrying” the ketchup, i.e., pouring the contents of one partially filled ketchup bottle into another partially filled ketchup bottle and repeating the process until one ends up with a bunch of brimful bottles and can toss the empty ones. …
Black Ink
By Cyberquill • 03/09/2011 • 16 CommentsYou are my favorite visitor. Absent nonverbal clues, you have no way of knowing whether I’m being sincere, sarcastic, affectionately teasing, polite in a perfunctory way, or none of the above. As written and in isolation, “You are my favorite visitor” could mean you are my absolute favorite visitor, my least favorite visitor, that I’m just goofing around, or anything in between. …
A Novel Window to the Soul
By Cyberquill • 03/06/2011 • 8 CommentsHer eyes may be the windows to her soul, but her unclad epidermis is the window to the souls of her clients—at least according to Sarah White, New York’s famous Naked Therapist and most likely the only therapist in the country that might be able to sway Charlie Sheen to sign up for the counseling he so desperately needs. …
The Bigger Clown
By Cyberquill • 03/02/2011 • 21 Commentshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGXAGSLX02k&t=3m40s”>shootout
In my previous post, I discussed a segment on The O’Reilly Factor in which host Bill O’Reilly had stated several times that President Obama was not a Muslim, that he was not born abroad, and that everyone who thought otherwise was “insane.” …
If Words Have No Meaning
By Cyberquill • 01/17/2011 • 19 CommentsThe Washington Post reports that federal authorities are planning to move the trial of the alleged gunman in the Jan. 8 mass shooting in Tucson to San Diego. But what is government if words have no meaning?
Carnage on Your Corner
By Cyberquill • 01/12/2011 • 10 CommentsSo some feeble-minded twerp with a semi-automatic Glock showed up at a political event in front of a Tucson Safeway—apparently not as safe as the name implies—and opened fire. Twenty people were hit, six of them fatally, yet the primary target miraculously survived in spite of a bullet having entered the back of her head, traversed her entire left cerebral hemisphere, and exited through her forehead. …
The Bison at the Beaver Pond
By Cyberquill • 12/19/2010 • 21 CommentsI grew up near a small creek. Come each spring, my buddies and I would set about constructing a dam at a particular spot in the creek. The dam itself and the little lake it created served no practical purpose whatsoever—we had no plans to add a power plant and earn ourselves candy & milkshake money by supplying the neighborhood with extra electricity, nor did the reservoir ever grow large enough to…
From Crawford With Book
By Cyberquill • 11/27/2010 • 13 CommentsGeorge W. Bush has risen from Texas and is making the talk-show rounds to promote his autobiography “Decision Points.” He says he has few regrets, loved serving the country, gave it his all, is glad to be back home in Crawford, and will leave the final verdict on his presidency to future historians. …
None of Your Business
By Cyberquill • 10/30/2010 • 34 CommentsIf I ask you what’s your favorite ice cream flavor, what was the last Hollywood movie you saw, and whether you’ve ever been to Vermont, chances are you’ll answer my questions honestly and with little hesitation, provided you’re in the mood to chat in the first place. If I move on to inquiring about your ATM PIN, your kinkiest sexual fantasy, and your rap sheet, you’ll probably balk at disclosing these items, at least initially, and perhaps you’ll…
A Costly Morning in September
By Cyberquill • 09/11/2010 • 4 CommentsWe remember the thousands of Americans who left for work that morning and never returned; the hundreds of thousands of Middle Eastern non-combatants inadvertently killed or maimed in the course of the U.S. response; and the tens of thousands of our troops who have thus far sacrificed their lives or limbs or been otherwise injured in the process.
To Tell Or to Zip It?
By Cyberquill • 08/10/2010 • 24 Comments“And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.”(Jesus Christ; Luke 6:31)
It happened again. I perused someone else’s latest blog post, and there it was, in full plumage, staring right at me—a typo. How to proceed in this oft-encountered and delicate situation presents the thorniest of dilemmas. …
Gummi Mice
By Cyberquill • 05/29/2010 • 12 CommentsLast night I barged into my kitchen unannounced—calling ahead prior to changing locations within my own residence is a habit I have yet to adopt—and in so doing I rudely interrupted a cute little mouse during its preliminary inspection of a piece of pie which had been left unattended on the counter. …
Whatchamacall’em?
By Cyberquill • 05/05/2010 • 18 CommentsThis issue seems oddly confusing to many people, so let me clear it up:
If a Muslim individual robs a bank because he wants to buy himself a bigger flatscreen TV, he or she is a bank robber, not an “Islamist” bank robber. …
The Second Wiehl
By Cyberquill • 04/14/2010 • 21 Commentshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW6eXlhtIlw
Had I known the manner in which talk radio loudmouth Jim Fate shrugged his mortal coil, I never would have opened the package which contained this intelligence. …
I Didn’t Like It
By Cyberquill • 03/30/2010 • 8 CommentsWall Street almost drove the whole country into the ground. On the flip side, even the most ayatolloid Che Guevara T-shirt-wearing leftist would have to admit to the physical prettiness of New York City’s Financial District, this grid-less labyrinth of narrow European-style streets wending their way between beautifully architectured mostly pre-war buildings whose sheer height nevertheless renders the scenery uniquely New York. …
Felicitations on the Lesser of Two Feats
By Cyberquill • 03/28/2010 • 8 CommentsBirds do it, bees do it, squirrels do it. All animate entities on this planet—and most likely extraterrestrials as well—are programmed by nature to multiply. Procreation happens automatically. It requires no special training, no talent, no skill, and no higher intellect. In all of nature, there’s no such thing as “too dumb to procreate.” Any living being too dumb to produce offspring would also be too dumb to respire or to convert sunlight into chlorophyll, i.e., be non-viable right out of the gate. …
