What you’re referring to, I believe, are not idioms but clichés. Indeed, clichés should be avoided like the plage–or worse: like adverbs!!!

Clichés ought to be shunned to such a degree that Stephen King didn’t even bother to mention them in his book.

my grammar must have been messy also. what i meant was “thank you for what i perceived was unsolicited advice” BUT it is not “a lopsided impulsive reaction, most likely a reflection of detecting in others qualities that we dislike about ourselves,” which causes me to say i don’t invest time in someone who shows signs of the habit you described.

although that would be a very valid psych 101 analysis if it applied. humans most certainly detest most in others what they detest most in themselves.

i wasn’t referring to you, because you don’t mind people “throwing tantrums and walking away”, you don’t need to change a thing! i did give you unsolicited advice at first – “choose better XXs”, but i thought i issued a retraction (“i was projecting my own feelings”)?

the comment about repeating the same thing was about me… people who are “sure, mad, and mistaken” bother me. i avoid them. that is not the way i treat others, therefore i do not expect to be treated that way. fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice and we’re through.

i always offer/accept clarification before i throw the baby out with the bath.

so what’s worse word soup or a post full of idioms? when words fail, use platitudes.

as for unsolicited advice – the blog format seems to bring out the worst, since it would seem i just realized my comment to choose better XXs was unsolicited. apologies for the crap advice.

i don’t offer unsolicited advice for a different reason than you described. it’s pointless because someone won’t make use of it until they are ready to hear it. at that time, advice is often received with gratitude not defensiveness.

this will make the writer in you cringe because of the redundancy. i often preface with, “would you like to receive some unsolicited advice?” it becomes clear rather quickly if the person wants to buy what you’re selling.

he, he i managed to insert one more idiotic idiom.

thrice on the blog format i have projected feelings and interpreted tone on the blog, thrice i have been mistaken. that’s three times more that the last three years in face to face world.

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result may be the definition of insanity indeed, but I’m not really doing anything. The party that’s throwing the tantrum which leads them to terminate all further communication is doing all the work. I just sit back, relax, and watch my contacts disappear one by one.

Doling out advice–no matter how well-intentioned– is always a tricky undertaking, as doing so almost always engenders a defensive reaction of some sort, be it ever so subtle. Thus, unless one is hopelessly naive, the motive behind giving unsolicited advice is not because one seriously expects the recipient to go Oh wow! Thank you sooo much! and follow it, but to find out the manner and degree of his or her ensuing defensiveness.

Anytime we give advice, we are, in essence, suggesting that the recipient modify one or more of his beliefs, emotions, or behaviors. Given that we, as human beings, strongly identify with our beliefs, emotions, and behaviors–in other words, our beliefs, emotions, and behaviors are who we are–every suggestion to modify any of them is liable to come across as I don’t love you the way you are, and a defensive reaction is virtually guaranteed. Has zip to do with the substance of the advice itself.

how sweet the advice (on the rare occasion i give unsolicited psych 101 advice it is not received well) note andreas blog. what the hell came over me? i never offer unsolicited psych analysis FACE TO FACE!! so pointless, like talking to someone with cotton in there ears.

nope, the avoidance of repetitive patterns is a judgement call. i give friends or connections fair warning – perhaps you misunderstood.

i am far from perfect, but i take a long time to react and even longer to overreact. i’m OCD so i don’t trust my first reaction. i must ruminate before i assert.

look, you’ve described a pattern… one that you don’t seem to concerned about. XX’s both friends and connections ditch you without so much as a “say wa?”

reversed; i “say wa?” to those who are sure, mad and mistaken, giving them an opportunity to say… “oh what i really meant was, etc. just having a bad day etc.”

however, if the pattern persists to where the person repeatedly insists upon unintended meaning and wants to ditch me, despite clarification – why put myself in the path of that bullet?

isn’t that the definition of insanity… doin’ the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

human nature is not as complex as you think – you are just so very young

“Friends and contacts will ask for clarification when they’re not sure how a comment was meant, but not when they’re sure, mad, and mistaken.”

perspective is everything – it seems you are o.k. with the behavior you have come to expect.

i do not have many friends and contacts but i give and have come to expect a “what do you mean?” (no matter the circumstance)

once or twice i have experienced what you describe and have found it to be with personality types that are completely phobic of any form of “assertive behavior”, they interpret a “what do you mean?” as a confrontation or accusation.

i don’t invest time in someone who shows signs of the habit you described. (now full irony would be if YOU blocked me he, he ,he) my “tell” would be “off”

i am concerned about friends, but would hope that even “contacts” would think me worthy of a “what do you mean?’ before shoving off!

Given that the majority of human communication occurs non-verbally (tone of voice, body language, etc.), it follows that in written conversation it is the reader, not the author, who creates a good deal of the substantive content of a message by imagining the non-verbals. So in effect, when people get all bent out of shape over written comments by others, they are, at least in part, flipping their wigs over their own creations, i.e., they’re mad at themselves.

Ideally, we should all be mindful of the possiblity that, in writing, everything that can be taken the wrong way will be taken the wrong way, and modify our phrasing accordingly in situations when getting folks into a lather might lead to genuinely disasterous consequences beyond merely ruffling a few feathers and losing a few contacts.

tone is very easily mistaken in email, FB, blog etc.

Roughly 75% of those who unfriended and/or blocked me are real-life acquaintances, so it’s really not that hard. I guess I erroneously assume that those who know me are more capable of attaching the proper tone of voice to my words, and hence I’m less guarded in what I type and how I phrase it. Oops. Besides it’s all women, so no particular reaction surprises me … unless, of course, I get the reaction I expected, which always surprises me.