A Novel Window to the Soul

By Cyberquill 03/06/20118 Comments
Sarah White

The Naked Therapist

Her eyes may be the windows to her soul, but her unclad epidermis is the window to the souls of her clients—at least according to Sarah White, New York’s famous “Naked Therapist” and most likely the only therapist in the country that might be able to sway Charlie Sheen to sign up for the counseling he so desperately needs.

Ms. White claims to be “currently studying psychology and collecting research for a dissertation on Naked Therapy” and that during her $150/hour web-counseling sessions, she uses the “power of arousal” to help her clients gain more control over their lives

And, presumably, to help herself gain more control over her clients’ wallets.

Prior to venturing into psychotherapy, Ms. White labored as a web designer—you guessed it: The Naked Coder—and I predict that once the counseling cash begins to dry up, she’ll take a stab at real estate and market herself as The Naked Broker, in which capacity she’ll be slowly peeling off her clothes while showing luxury condominiums to prospective buyers in order to “help them focus,” to wit focus on her peeling and away from the paint peeling off the walls. (Apparently, opting for the birthday suit uniform counts as an exemption from having to obtain an old-fashioned license for offering one’s services.)

That said, psychology degree or not, Ms. White could well be among the most skillful therapists in New York City. Who knows? You don’t judge a book by its cover, and you don’t judge an attractive young lady by how she chooses to package herself—or not package herself, for that matter. Using her somewhat unconventional approach, she may prove no less effective at alleviating mild depression, uncovering neuroses, and helping the ill-empowered “gain more control over their lives” than are many of her square and robed colleagues in this town, even if she were effective by accident. Perhaps board-certified psychiatrists operate on a different level, but whatever run-of-the-mill LMHC’s do isn’t much of an exact science anyway. For the most part, they simply listen, nod, and periodically interrupt their clients to inquire how they feel about what they’ve just said. As long as a client feels better when he walks out relative to when he walked in and has an incentive to return, the therapist’s methods and getup seem as immaterial as Ms. White’s (literally immaterial) outfit.

Some time ago, I took a few conventional counseling sessions (i.e., the folks who took my money were fully clothed and fully licensed) to get a sense of what psychotherapy is all about. Having watched a number of Woody Allen movies, I had became curious. Although I found these chats quite enjoyable, I suppose I could have gotten the same bang for my buck—and perhaps a little more bang—talking to a comely dame in the buff, provided she had brought an intelligent, patient, and non-judgmental demeanor to the couch; and I don’t see why Ms. White shouldn’t be capable of effecting such demeanor.

After all, the lady seems to be a fairly bright cookie, having gotten herself mentions and write-ups all over the national media of late, from Jay Leno to The Huffington Post to The Wall Street Journal. One would think that the old adage of “nothing new under the sun” applies to sexual services even more than to anything else under the sun, so all the more remarkable it is for Ms. White to have discovered a heretofore unexploited niche in the titillation business, namely selling private peep shows under the gauzy guise of doing psychotherapy. Given the publicity she has managed to garner, no doubt she’ll be raking in the dough for some time to come.

Hard to tell, of course, whether Ms. White cooked this whole thing up on her own, or whether some crafty marketing outfit is pulling the strings in the background and the girl merely serves as the foxy meat puppet in the limelight who gets to pocket a modest modeling commission for providing her scrumptious likeness to the cause.

But if she’s really her own employer and has masterminded the Naked Therapist concept all by herself, my pants are off to her entrepreneurial spirit.

My hat is, I mean—what am I thinking?

The Naked Therapist

Sarah White

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  • http://andreaskluth.org/ Andreas

    I’m stunned. In so many ways.

    I clicked through, and read some of her Q&A. Excerpt:

    Q: Why Naked Therapy?

    There are many reasons. One primary reason is that men need therapy. Our world is in the midst of a massive mental health crisis, and it is that men need therapy yet they rarely seek it. Men commit the majority of violent crimes, are less physically healthy, and they are more likely to commit suicide, become depressed or be diagnosed as mentally ill, yet women are four times more likely than men to willingly enter therapy. If offering men something they find exciting helps get them into therapy, I am happy to do my part in helping solve this crisis.

    • http://blog.cyberquill.com Cyberquill

      Can’t argue with her logic. For instance, if there were dental offices staffed with hot naked receptionists and assistants—male and female, to suit all preferences—many people would be more motivated to get their teeth checked on a more regular basis, so that would be a good thing.

      And assuming that psychotherapy can indeed be beneficial and that men are more reluctant to seek the help they need, an untrained and inexperienced naked therapist (even a fake one) may be better than no therapist at all, provided she isn’t so inept as to actually drive some guys into suicide, especially those who were about to seek serious help and opted for naked therapy instead.

      Naked Therapy totally sounds like a Woody Allen movie, perhaps about some middle-aged CEO who tries to convince all his friends how well his naked therapy is working and how it helps him gain all these insights about himself . Of course, they all just make fun of him for getting fleeced by a role-playing stripper. And then it turns out that the naked therapist is actually a Russian spy who uses her phony naked therapist persona as a cover. However, she accidentally heals the guy without having made a serious effort to do so, realizes that she loves helping people, quits the spying business, goes to school, and becomes a real-life therapist.

      Something like that. Are you reading this, Mr. Allen? Taking notes?

  • Cheri

    Once you look past her bottom, you come to her feet. Do the bottoms look dirty, or is it just me?

    • http://andreaskluth.org/ Andreas

      What feet?

    • http://blog.cyberquill.com Cyberquill

      The soles of her feet look as if she’s been walking around barefoot in a coal mine.

      No idea what’s up with this hideous pink hiphugger. She must have misplaced the bottom that goes with her lacy turquoise bazooms support. (Speaking of bottom, we’re discussing the picture at the bottom of the post, Andreas, the one you never saw because halfway through my first sentence you clicked over to the NT site.)

      In combination with her dirty feet, we can now make tentative inductions as to her overall personality. In fact, she may need a naked therapist herself. I’m available.

  • http://maniuslentulus.blogspot.com/ Man of Roma Manius

    Tremendously funny and superbly written. I enjoyed it much more than Sarah White and her ‘entrepreneurial spirit’, in honour of which my pants will stay right were they are. In Berlusconi’s Italy we certainly don’t lack similar creative examples, such as ineffable Berlusconi’s dental hygienist Nicole Minetti and all the rest of the crazy carnival.

    • http://blog.cyberquill.com Cyberquill

      Hmm. For an extra 50 bucks, Ms. White could throw in an online dental cleaning. I wonder why she hasn’t thought of that. Also, April 15th is quickly approaching. People are looking for naked accountants.

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